Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So drunk its hurt
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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