You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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