i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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