Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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