Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
