i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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