I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
