I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
