She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
