Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
