I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.