They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen