Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?