Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.