im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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