its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude. I can hear the air.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
