Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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