i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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