I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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