we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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