Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
