So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
