How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
