Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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