i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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