areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize