Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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