my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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