You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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