Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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