I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize