I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize