my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
