Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think brook has ever known best
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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