shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie