Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.