all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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