I seem to have left my pride at pride
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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