Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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