my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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