If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder