I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo