The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it