I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
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redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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