I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everything about him screamed your future.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize