He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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