My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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