I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
