Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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