And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
