so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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