Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
