took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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