You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
