thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
