well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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